Love songs

Zwei Liebeslieder vom "King of Romance" Stephen Lynch


If I had a hammer, I'd build a house for two.
And if I had a sailing ship, I'd take a trip with you.
And if I had a poets hand, I'd write a verse for thee.
And if I had the painter's touch, on canvas you'd be.

But I don't have a hammer
And I dont have a ship
So I can't build a house
And we can't take a trip

And I'll never be a poet
Nor have the painter's grace
So I'll never write you a verse
Nor immortalize your face

And also I have herpes...




I made love to ya all night long
then i got up to write you a song
i watched ya sleep and i fell in love
ya must've been sent from heaven above
don't think you could never do no wrong

then you farted....
oh girl you farted..

first i thought that it was kinda cute
i surpresed a smile when i heard your girly poot
then came the smell came whoftin by
and brought a little tear drop to my eye
i think that i'll go sleep out on the couch

cause you farted...

you could make milk curdle
make your skin crawl
make the paint peal off of the wall
i won't sleep under the covers no more
since the hot winds blew from out your back door

baby, it sure has been a gas
but somethin' up and died inside your ass
and sure as hell that my name is stephen
its about time that i got even
get ready for the magic im about to pass...

i think i shit my pants.